We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
