I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
