I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
