we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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