You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
