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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
