True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
