okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
