the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
