We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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