he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
