I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
