so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
