He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
