Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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