you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
