i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
