Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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