Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
