I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
