i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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