MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
