sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
They have beer where we have blood.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
