i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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