Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
