I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
