I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
