i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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