im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Shame is for Republicans.
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