I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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