Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
worst night to have a conscience
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
