Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
