My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
