I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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