another moral hangover. fuck.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize