Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
