Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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