If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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