you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
