And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
