I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
