cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
