There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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