that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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