i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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