yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
