News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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