he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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