I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
