Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish I only lived at night.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
