Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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