you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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