So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
