we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
