this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
