my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
