I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
