I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize