i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
