I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
