You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
