Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
