i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
