singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
