dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
