threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize