woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
