i just google imaged poop.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
