I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
