rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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