Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
