dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
